Ok, Fellas, this one is for you. I will compile a list of dating dos and don'ts. I hope you find this helpful!
*** THIS IS NOT EXHAUSTIVE!!! (THIS IS NOT A COMPLETE LIST)*****
~Based on events that actually happened to me!!~~
DO NOT!!!... I repeat DO NOT!
1. Show up for a date where she will have to drive YOU all over town.
2. DO NOT, this should be repeated, DO NOT show up with 75 cents to your name to take a girl out!
3. NO way at all is it acceptable to tell a woman that you have just met that she is a @#$#^$^#$%&%& (Insert any applicable cuss word here). Not cool kids!
4. Leave her stranded at a restaurant for a non-emergency "emergency" concocted by your family. (Emergencies consist of death, dismemberment, or supper death/kills!)
5. Never ever tell her that if she doesn't get in her car and drive over an hour to come see you that you will kill yourself! There is a very good chance that she will not come and you will have to make good on your promise!
DO
1. Attempt to avoid the douche-baggry that is listed above!
Happy Dating!
Oh, and when you kiss her, PLEASE for the love of all that is Holy and Sacred!! DO NOT FLICK YOUR TONGUE ABOUT IN HER MOUTH LIKE A SNAKE SEARCHING FOR FOOD! It's very disconcerting and quite odd! She will dump you, like faster than you can flick your tongue around in her mouth!
Ladies..... YOU'RE WELCOME! Please feel free to add to my list....as it is just a nick in the surface of how to treat a woman!
Friday, January 25, 2013
Ok, so when you author a blog, you get to see your traffic on this cool page! I am so excited to see all the page views!!!
I looked at one picture and I heard the theme song to Jaws!
DO YOU SEE THE SHARK FIN?!?!?!
DUN NUH DUN NUH!
IT'S GUN GIT YOOOOOUUU!!!!!!!!
No, seriously! It has friends! Look at all of those fins!
IT'S THE SHARK MAFIA!!!
Seriously, thanks for reading this ridiculousness! I know that you could be reading better blogs by people like Allie at #hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com, but you have taken a break from her archives to read me! And I appreciate that! I promise not to post lame stuff again....
Ok, so, I promise to TRY not to post lame stuff again!
You know there was a song in a Musical once....
The Mean Girl in my head says, I need to shut up... I think I'll listen to her tonight!
I looked at one picture and I heard the theme song to Jaws!
DO YOU SEE THE SHARK FIN?!?!?!
DUN NUH DUN NUH!
IT'S GUN GIT YOOOOOUUU!!!!!!!!
No, seriously! It has friends! Look at all of those fins!
IT'S THE SHARK MAFIA!!!
Seriously, thanks for reading this ridiculousness! I know that you could be reading better blogs by people like Allie at #hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com, but you have taken a break from her archives to read me! And I appreciate that! I promise not to post lame stuff again....
Ok, so, I promise to TRY not to post lame stuff again!
You know there was a song in a Musical once....
The Mean Girl in my head says, I need to shut up... I think I'll listen to her tonight!
Wonderful kick-start to the weekend!
Nothing like a swift sucker punch in the gut to start of off your Friday! I was sleeping peacefully and my alarm clock finally penetrated my dreamy mental lock down. I pick up my phone and begin checking on the things that I have missed out on during my blissful slumber. I noticed that during my slumber I missed a phone call, a text message, four emails, three Facebook notifications, and two other apps wanted my attention.
Me: WOW! I'm kinda popular this morning!
Mean Girl: Heh heh heh! NOPE!
So, I have a system of priorities on my phone. Actual phone calls first--800#, no message left...not calling back! Text messages, EL-Bank texted me to ask if I had recently purchased anything from a RECORD store.... Now, I don't know about you guys, but I have never purchased any RECORD. I have never been to a RECORD store. Now, I have purchased audio tapes and up until a few years ago I would buy CDs; however, these days I am purely digital!
TEXT: Have you per chance been to a record store lately?
ME: Uhh, what's a record?!?
PHONE: RING RING RING!!! (Except that my ringtone is cooler than that!)
ME: (still half asleep) Hello?
EL-BANK Worker: Hello, have you been to a record store lately?
ME: No.
EL-BANK Worker: Well, I see that someone tried to make a purchase at Company X at 2 am. Was this you?
ME: Yes, I needed what Company X was selling, and yes, I was purchasing things online at 2 am...it happens!
EL-BANK Worker: Ok, so did you purchase anything from I....I....m....Im...
ME: IMDB? Internet Movie Database?
EL-BANK Worker: Yes, that!
ME: Yes, yes I did!
EL-BANK Worker: Ok, well then there were two purchases to iTunes...was that you as well?
ME: Yes, but there should only be one!
.......
The conversation goes on as my heart rate slowly returns to normal! By this time, the Mean Girl in my head is rolling on the floor laughing so hard I can barely hear my heart beating out of my chest!
She quit laughing long enough to say:
Mean Girl: Who would want YOUR money?!?
ME: ....Someone who was evil and ...well, really.....REALLY broke!
Mean Girl: Uhh...NOPE!!
Geez! What a way to start your Friday! GOOD MORNING--This is your Friday FRAUD ALERT! Needless to say, I did NOT roll over and go back to sleep! I get down stairs and my father is concerned because before EL-BANK Worker called me on my cell, they called the land line.
The forecast for tomorrow is just as bleak! I am going to a "Boat and Outdoor" show....on a....DATE?!? I am a city slicker that has been transplanted to the country, against her will! Was I thinking when I agreed to that?!? Well, it should make for some interesting stories....right?
Me: WOW! I'm kinda popular this morning!
Mean Girl: Heh heh heh! NOPE!
So, I have a system of priorities on my phone. Actual phone calls first--800#, no message left...not calling back! Text messages, EL-Bank texted me to ask if I had recently purchased anything from a RECORD store.... Now, I don't know about you guys, but I have never purchased any RECORD. I have never been to a RECORD store. Now, I have purchased audio tapes and up until a few years ago I would buy CDs; however, these days I am purely digital!
TEXT: Have you per chance been to a record store lately?
ME: Uhh, what's a record?!?
PHONE: RING RING RING!!! (Except that my ringtone is cooler than that!)
ME: (still half asleep) Hello?
EL-BANK Worker: Hello, have you been to a record store lately?
ME: No.
EL-BANK Worker: Well, I see that someone tried to make a purchase at Company X at 2 am. Was this you?
ME: Yes, I needed what Company X was selling, and yes, I was purchasing things online at 2 am...it happens!
EL-BANK Worker: Ok, so did you purchase anything from I....I....m....Im...
ME: IMDB? Internet Movie Database?
EL-BANK Worker: Yes, that!
ME: Yes, yes I did!
EL-BANK Worker: Ok, well then there were two purchases to iTunes...was that you as well?
ME: Yes, but there should only be one!
.......
The conversation goes on as my heart rate slowly returns to normal! By this time, the Mean Girl in my head is rolling on the floor laughing so hard I can barely hear my heart beating out of my chest!
She quit laughing long enough to say:
Mean Girl: Who would want YOUR money?!?
ME: ....Someone who was evil and ...well, really.....REALLY broke!
Mean Girl: Uhh...NOPE!!
Geez! What a way to start your Friday! GOOD MORNING--This is your Friday FRAUD ALERT! Needless to say, I did NOT roll over and go back to sleep! I get down stairs and my father is concerned because before EL-BANK Worker called me on my cell, they called the land line.
The forecast for tomorrow is just as bleak! I am going to a "Boat and Outdoor" show....on a....DATE?!? I am a city slicker that has been transplanted to the country, against her will! Was I thinking when I agreed to that?!? Well, it should make for some interesting stories....right?
Thursday, January 24, 2013
One of those moments...
Ok, so I should be doing something else related to my life, like accompishing goals and benchmarks that I set out to achieve. However, the current bench marks are not playing nice and I have chosen not to play with them until I feel they are willing to co-operate. (Please read this as I have a writing assignment due and I cannot start it to save my wretched LIFE!!! So, I have turned to the blog-o-sphere for assistance!)
Given that this is my first post (of what I hope to be many more in the future) I owe you a brief glimpse into my world. I am a graduate student, I am facing graduation in May--which means that soon I will be forced to join the "adult world". I am unsure of how I feel about this, is it a plight or a right of passage?
I have two cats and an aging dog. I am socially awkward and sometimes socially handicapped. I feel like I think better at a computer rather than with the spoken word, but in the same vein I like to make very large and caricature-esk movements, which just enhances my awkwardness if I happen to be writing in public. Those who know me either love me or they cannot stand me. The silver lining to a blog is if you hate me...you can passively scroll on your way with a few clicks. You might leave me a message expressing your soul crushing hatred for me, but hey...Freedom of Speech right? Do as you must.
I typically over think everything or I do not think it through at all. For example...I have been thinking about starting a blog for what seems like FOREVER! I have paced the floor over it and verbally accosted myself about it! *I think I have a mean girl that lives in my head! Just FYI*
ME: I think I'll write a blog!
Mean Girl: Who would read the crap you would post on the interwebs?!? NOBODY, THAT'S
WHO!!!
ME: Ok, maybe I won't write a blog....
So, I listen to the mean girl that lives in my head...but you know, she never speaks up when I'm about to do something completely stupid!! Like tonight, I was cleaning the cat boxes. I don't use clumping litter, so this is what goes down!
Mean Girl: "Just dump the whole box in the bag! It will go smoothly."
ME: (Like a SMUCK!) OK!
(Used cat litter spills all over the floor and I am covered in icky grey funk! Mean Girl is conspicuously quiet!!!)
So, just for spite to prove the mean girl in my head wrong, I have started this blog!
Please, know that I am a light switch, I am either utterly obsessed or I have no clue that something exists on the planet. This applies to all aspects of my life! I seem to encounter people who are utterly obsessed with me or those who have no inkling that I am on earth let alone in the same room with them.
And I have a RAGGING case of ADHD as well as OCD. So, this could be interesting!
Given that this is my first post (of what I hope to be many more in the future) I owe you a brief glimpse into my world. I am a graduate student, I am facing graduation in May--which means that soon I will be forced to join the "adult world". I am unsure of how I feel about this, is it a plight or a right of passage?
I have two cats and an aging dog. I am socially awkward and sometimes socially handicapped. I feel like I think better at a computer rather than with the spoken word, but in the same vein I like to make very large and caricature-esk movements, which just enhances my awkwardness if I happen to be writing in public. Those who know me either love me or they cannot stand me. The silver lining to a blog is if you hate me...you can passively scroll on your way with a few clicks. You might leave me a message expressing your soul crushing hatred for me, but hey...Freedom of Speech right? Do as you must.
I typically over think everything or I do not think it through at all. For example...I have been thinking about starting a blog for what seems like FOREVER! I have paced the floor over it and verbally accosted myself about it! *I think I have a mean girl that lives in my head! Just FYI*
ME: I think I'll write a blog!
Mean Girl: Who would read the crap you would post on the interwebs?!? NOBODY, THAT'S
WHO!!!
ME: Ok, maybe I won't write a blog....
So, I listen to the mean girl that lives in my head...but you know, she never speaks up when I'm about to do something completely stupid!! Like tonight, I was cleaning the cat boxes. I don't use clumping litter, so this is what goes down!
Mean Girl: "Just dump the whole box in the bag! It will go smoothly."
ME: (Like a SMUCK!) OK!
(Used cat litter spills all over the floor and I am covered in icky grey funk! Mean Girl is conspicuously quiet!!!)
So, just for spite to prove the mean girl in my head wrong, I have started this blog!
Please, know that I am a light switch, I am either utterly obsessed or I have no clue that something exists on the planet. This applies to all aspects of my life! I seem to encounter people who are utterly obsessed with me or those who have no inkling that I am on earth let alone in the same room with them.
And I have a RAGGING case of ADHD as well as OCD. So, this could be interesting!
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